Reporting from a pub somewhere in Sweden, Snus Legend Moe Unz writes about the arrival of the new XRANGE General Salmiak Slim Portion Snus and XRANGE Grov Slim Portion Snus.
Here the story of XRANGE snus and the first 2016 additions to the brand; XRANGE General Salmiak Slim Portion Snus and XRANGE Grov Slim Portion Snus.
He also answers important questions such as what is the flavor difference between licorice and salmiak and can he drink Peter Hagberg from Swedish Match under the table...we all know the answer to the second question.
Click Here to READ MOE'S BLOG POST on XRANGE...
Back in the 1990's there was a snus called Göteborgs Rapé Original Portion. In 1997, Swedish Match invented the white portion and introduced the now iconic Göteborgs Rapé White Portion Snus in 1998.
Today, Göteborgs Rapé exists in a variety of white portion versions from mini to slim to large as well as the classic loose snus version.
Perhaps it was an oversight; perhaps the sales numbers of the new white portion version were so spectacular, but Swedish Match ceased production of Göteborgs Rapé Original Portion snus in 2000.
The Ettan Snus Event at the SnusCentral.com Snus Shop began innocently enough. Moe Unz, Snus Legend and Manager of SnusCentral.com, decided to "invite himself" to the recent Sweden Match Snus Summit held in Chicago, USA. Moe had no intention of attending any of the briefings or round table discussions. He was only in Chicago for free snus and to attach himself to the Swedish Match bar tab. Having much practice at this sort of thing, Moe was successful.
At some point, Swedish Match North America realized that Moe was an uninvited guest and attempted to have him removed. Moe countered by challenging Swedish Match to a drinking contest; if they won, he would leave and give back the snus. If Moe won.....he would dictate his own terms.
After a quick huddle with their Swedish counterparts who knew Moe, the SMNA team realized they were out-matched. They selected Marcus Carlsson of SMAB as having the best chance of at least keeping up with Moe, if not beating him. Six hours later, Carlsson lay passed out on the floor as Unz call for more beer. The match was over.
As I always say after I am cut off at the local pub, "I shall return!" and I have. This is me, Moe Unz, back in my rightful place as Snus eStore Manager of SnusCentral.com.
As you certainly remember, back on 27 September the SnusCIA reported the sudden death of SnusCentral.com Chairman of the Board Grandma Unz, a revolt by the Board of Directors, and my wrongfully being fired. Their report listed me as lying on a hospital floor in critical condition from alcohol poisoning and not expected to survive.
The SnusCIA may be very clever, but they did not understand the strength of my genetically superior liver. I woke up about 14 hours later and left for the SnusCentral Snus Store. After a quick stop for some beer, I arrived to discover Grandma's Will had been discovered and I now owned 49% of SnusCentral.com!
After beating the traitorous Board Members with my broom, we came to an agreement on going on into the future.
I would be reinstated as Manager of the SnusCentral Snus eStore but with one big change. Since it was exposed I was helpless in using a calculator and had no accounting sense, I am not allowed to set the pricing anymore. That doesn't mean I can't beat the CFO with my broom to keep the prices as low as possible while still staying in business. I enjoy doing that and will keep fighting to deliver you lower prices than anyone else.
Annika and her Customer Service Team are still hard at work giving you the best customer service in the snus business. I personally test a can of each snus as it arrives to make sure it is the freshest it can be. That is a hard job but someone has to do it.
Grandma Unz is still dead and will probably remain so. Her death is still considered suspicious by the Lidköping Police and continues under investigation.
The most important thing is that I, Moe Unz, am back running SnusCentral.com. I am sure you find this as exciting as I do.
Our friends at Swedish Match have been very busy while I was gone.
Lab Series 06 Extra Strong Portion Snus, their first Ultra Strong snus having 20mg/gr of nicotine was released, then unreleased, and now is being re-released on 24 October. We should have it back in stock very shortly afterwards. Larry really liked the first version of 06 and is bothering me with emails about when I will ship him Lab Series 06.5. Larry can be a pain in my buttocks sometimes.
He is also bothering me about the 7 November release of Kardus Carnival Blend 2011. Thanks to Norway being allocated 200 of the 600 boxes of Kardus 2011 produced this year, SnusCentral.com is only being allocated 30 boxes. I am meeting with Markus Ersmark of Swedish Match later this week. My broom and I will attempt to convince him to increase our allocation.
This year's Kardus is reported to be amazingly wonderful. If you do not wish to be left coughing on diesel fumes as the snus bus drives away, I would strongly recommend pre-ordering your Kardus Carnival from us as soon as possible. Unless Markus has made special arrangements for me and Larry, we only have 28 boxes of Kardus which can be sold. I did beat our CFO with my broom for the best possible price we could offer Kardus 2011 at.
The Team from the SnusCentral Snus eStore plus Larry and his wife visited Denmark 7 weeks ago to celebrate the 5th Anniversary of V2 Tobacco, makers of the snus brands Thunder, Off Road, Phantom and some others you enjoy but are made for other companies.
The SnusCIA is forbidding me from discussing anything else which happened at the V2 5th Anniversary Celebration. As the saying goes, what happens in Silkeborg stays in Silkeborg.
Congratulations to V2 and to me, Moe Unz. Enjoy your snus!
MOE UNZSnus Legend and ManagerThe Snus Shop at SnusCentral.com
Earlier today, we reported that the 3 ml IceTool loose snus portioning tool had been discontinued by the manufacturer. Stainless steel IceTools are now only available in 5 ml and the recently introduced 4 ml versions. At the SnusCentral Snus Store, this caused some unnecessary confusion. The SnusCIA has traced back the communications failure to (no surprise here) none other than Moe Unz; Manager of SnusCentral.com.
* UPDATE: 3:28 AM Stockholm Time: The President of Icetools has released the following statement: "Folks, we haven't discontinued 3 ml stainless steel Icetool and never will. It was the first we ever designed and people still likes it a lot. 3 ml ss Icetools were out of stock for awhile, but right now available as usual and there shouldn't be any Icetool chaos anywhere - and if there really is, the best way to handle it is to contact Icetool office, we'll fix it."
The SnusCIA is in an uproar over this. What does this mean? Could Moe Unz be smarter than everyone thought? Why did he set up this bizarre plot? What is he really hiding? OR could this have been a set-up by the SnusCentral Snus Store staff to make Moe look bad? Heads will roll over this, whatever the real story turns out to be.
Below is our original report. Once we know what actually happened, the new Director of the SnusCENTRAL Intelligence Agency will be making a statement. Who knew the alleged cover-up of a simple inventory error would grow into this giant SnusCENTRAL Scandal? Grandma Unz is furious. This story will continue.......
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